Unbearable
by falafel90
Summary: Snape watches Lily's wedding from afar, saddened and disheartened. Does she really love James? How? After a dance with the bride, he finds out. JP/LE at the end; one-shot.


A/N: I know, I know! I have to get back to _Finding Reason_. I just, I dunno…I like exploring all the opportunities with Snape. I promise, though, I will try to get back to it ASAP. But I think I'm going to be writing more of these one-shots. They're pretty fun! Anyway, read and review!

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Oh, Gods. How could he let himself do this? Severus stood behind an overgrown bush, watching the scene before him and inwardly sulking. He had gotten an invitation to the wedding; why couldn't he have just attended like a normal person, instead of spying on the affair from afar?

_I couldn't handle it._

He sighed. _It's not like I can handle this, either._

His lovely flower was marrying that _sodding_ James Potter, and all he could do was stand there stupidly, awkwardly.

The wedding was outside, of course; Severus knew it would be, even before he read the invitation. Lily was that type of girl: earthy, genuine, natural. Her name was incredibly appropriate. When they were friends, Severus told her so regularly.

_It's been a while._

He was still standing sadly behind the bush, watching now as James slid a ring onto Lily's dainty hand. It was heart wrenching. And to see Lily slide a ring onto James's more masculine hand—unbearable.

It was official, Severus thought, as he watched the loving bride and groom kiss, as Black whooped and jumped up and down beside James. He watched James break the kiss to look back at his best friend, to roll his eyes; he watched Lily throw her head back in laughter, in happiness, but…but what could he do?

_Nothing._

He was bitter, and now, as the sun fell, cold. He hesitantly admitted to himself that the wedding was, in fact, lovely, as was the bride, and he was happy that Lily was happy. Or was he?

_Yes_.

He couldn't be angry with her for falling for Potter; he could see his attraction. But, oh! How he wished it were he in the dress robes walking back down the aisle while people threw rice and blew bubbles in celebration!

He looked down at his shoes, which were dingy and black, and he could only imagine that _James Potter's_ shoes were spotless and shiny and _clean_. Lily liked clean things.

He rolled up the sleeve of his robe and stared hard at the mark engrained on his wrist, in his skin. It was ugly and large and he would _never_ be able to show his forearm to anyone ever again. At this point, he couldn't even remember why he joined.

_Oh, yes._ Her. It was she.

Not directly, of course. He assumed it was a subconscious effort to impress her, now that he thought about it. Lonely in Slytherin, Avery and Mulciber and the others were there and they _wanted_ to be his friend. And, oh! If he were to learn the dark magic and follow the steps of the Dark Lord, he could win over his best friend! Surely, because the Dark Arts are all-powerful and…and…and…

_Pathetic._

It was too late, though. Too late. Why would he change for a married woman? He could never have her, so he might as well stay with the one comfort he had turned to for all these years: the Dark Arts.

Snape fiddled with the needles of the bush for a minute or two before he turned around to leave. He couldn't watch the reception. The cake feeding, the clinking of champagne glasses amongst shouts of "Kiss!" It would be a slow death.

He began walking, his back towards the large canvas tent where the celebration was occurring, when he heard—

"Sev! Wait! Don't leave!"

He turned his back to see a bundle of white struggling to run toward him. Despite his utter depression, he had to fight the urge to laugh: Lily's arms were flailing around, as she tripped over non-existent road blocks in the ground.

As she caught up to him, his face reverted back to its original frown. She was beautiful and he was a fool.

"I'm glad you decided to come." She was flushed from rushing over, and she had difficulty catching her breath.

"I'm not," he replied. Pain graced his sharp features, and she understood.

"I know we're not friends, anymore, Severus…I mean, I don't think we'll ever be again after all that's happened…but would you dance with me? Just once?" Lily was hopeful and doe-eyed; how could Severus say no?

"Okay, but out here. I don't want to go in _there_."

Lily grabbed his hand and put her arm around his shoulder as Severus grabbed her waist.

The two were quiet. Neither wanted to ruin the moment. But Severus needed to know—

"Do you love him?"

"Of course." There was no doubt in her calm voice, and this troubled Severus.

"I just…I don't get it." He wasn't attempting to hurt her, but he didn't understand.

"He's…he's perfect. We're perfect." Lily's eyes were alit with happiness and love. "I mean, I know he was terrible when he was younger. You know I couldn't stand him at first. He was arrogant and rude and…" She shook her head, as if to confirm her words. "But he grew up. And he changed. And he _loved me_. Unconditionally. How could I _not_ love him back?"

Severus swallowed loudly and shook his head in comprehension. "Lily, I'm sorry but I have to go."

"Okay." She looked hurt, but she clearly understood. As he walked away, she stared at his back, wishing everything were different…that they were _friends_. If he hadn't gone down _that_ path…who knows where they'd be today?

Still marrying James, she decided. But maybe Severus and her would be here, laughing and enjoying the day…rather than him leaving her standing alone and pondering.

She turned back, and jumped when she saw James standing only a few feet behind her.

"You okay?" he asked, putting an arm around her bare shoulder, kissing the top of her head.

"I'm amazing," she said, attempting to put what had just happened behind her. It was her wedding day; she should spend it being eternally happy.

"Liar," he joked.

"Yeah, but I will be."

"I'm sorry things with Sna—Severus didn't end the way you wanted them to." James looked into her eyes, and she knew he was completely sincere.

"Ah, it is what it is." Lily looked up at James, and smiled. "But I don't want to talk about Severus anymore today. Let's just be happy."

"Okay." James didn't put up a fight.

"I love you, James. Always."

"I love you, too, Lils."

Together, they walked back to the party silently, happily, peacefully.


End file.
